| Dear Jane, | | | | their own past programming, including their |
| | | | self-judgments, fears, and limiting beliefs. |
| Although I am a loyal, caring relationship, I | | | | (Just like you.) If a partner betrays your |
| can hardly find a bird of the same feathers | | | | confidence, for example, it is something in |
| to flock with. What can I do besides pray? | | | | him/her that would allow for that. The less |
| | | | you personalize, the less you will feel |
| Sometimes we choose our relationships for | | | | victimized. |
| reasons we're not aware of consciously. For | | | | |
| example, do you find that you have chosen a | | | | 3. Don't ignore signs and indicators. If you |
| partner who is in some way like one of your | | | | meet someone who tells you that they've |
| parents? This can be great if you felt loved | | | | cheated on a relationship and you think it |
| and nurtured. But if you didn't always feel | | | | will be different with you, it may be that |
| that growing up, you may still pick someone | | | | you have an unconscious need to learn some |
| who unconsciously reminds you of that parent, | | | | painful lessons. If you want a conscious |
| not because you are masochistic, but because | | | | relationship, you have to work to be |
| your spirit is trying to find someone now to | | | | conscious yourself. Ask more questions. Check |
| help heal your past. | | | | inside if you really feel trusting. Pay |
| | | | attention to your intuition. |
| So maybe your mind wants a loyal, caring | | | | |
| love, but you have been unknowingly seeking | | | | 4. Check inside to see if you're looking to |
| something else to try to heal past suffering. | | | | be right about how relationships are |
| What can you do about this? | | | | untrustworthy or not good enough. We often |
| | | | try to be right to protect ourselves from |
| 1. Home in on the lessons you have been | | | | future hurt at the expense of current |
| learning from your less-than-loyal | | | | happiness. Being right can come at the |
| relationship. Whom does your last | | | | expense of intimacy. |
| relationship (or relationships) remind you | | | | |
| of? How did you handle the hurt you felt as a | | | | 5. Make sure you are like the person you want |
| child? How have you handled the hurt as an | | | | to attract. If you have ever been uncaring or |
| adult? If you could "do over" your last | | | | disloyal, don't pretend to be "holier than |
| relationship, what would you do differently? | | | | thou." Admit your trespasses to yourself and |
| | | | make amends to anyone you have hurt or |
| 2. Don't take other people's behaviors | | | | betrayed. This clearing of your slate will |
| personally. They're doing what they do from | | | | invite a new, higher-level relationship. |