| Dear Jane, | | | | and limiting beliefs. (Just like you.) If a partner |
| Although I am a loyal, caring relationship, I can | | | | betrays your confidence, for example, it is |
| hardly find a bird of the same feathers to flock | | | | something in him/her that would allow for that. |
| with. What can I do besides pray? | | | | The less you personalize, the less you will feel |
| Sometimes we choose our relationships for | | | | victimized. |
| reasons we're not aware of consciously. For | | | | 3. Don't ignore signs and indicators. If you meet |
| example, do you find that you have chosen a | | | | someone who tells you that they've cheated on a |
| partner who is in some way like one of your | | | | relationship and you think it will be different with |
| parents? This can be great if you felt loved and | | | | you, it may be that you have an unconscious |
| nurtured. But if you didn't always feel that growing | | | | need to learn some painful lessons. If you want a |
| up, you may still pick someone who unconsciously | | | | conscious relationship, you have to work to be |
| reminds you of that parent, not because you are | | | | conscious yourself. Ask more questions. Check |
| masochistic, but because your spirit is trying to | | | | inside if you really feel trusting. Pay attention to |
| find someone now to help heal your past. | | | | your intuition. |
| So maybe your mind wants a loyal, caring love, | | | | 4. Check inside to see if you're looking to be right |
| but you have been unknowingly seeking | | | | about how relationships are untrustworthy or not |
| something else to try to heal past suffering. What | | | | good enough. We often try to be right to protect |
| can you do about this? | | | | ourselves from future hurt at the expense of |
| 1. Home in on the lessons you have been learning | | | | current happiness. Being right can come at the |
| from your less-than-loyal relationship. Whom does | | | | expense of intimacy. |
| your last relationship (or relationships) remind you | | | | 5. Make sure you are like the person you want to |
| of? How did you handle the hurt you felt as a | | | | attract. If you have ever been uncaring or |
| child? How have you handled the hurt as an adult? | | | | disloyal, don't pretend to be "holier than thou." |
| If you could "do over" your last relationship, what | | | | Admit your trespasses to yourself and make |
| would you do differently? | | | | amends to anyone you have hurt or betrayed. |
| 2. Don't take other people's behaviors personally. | | | | This clearing of your slate will invite a new, |
| They're doing what they do from their own past | | | | higher-level relationship. |
| programming, including their self-judgments, fears, | | | | |