Other People's Pets

Whether or not you are a pet lover, you haveIf your friend is still unwilling to meet you halfway,
probably run across issues with dealing with otherit's time to consider how important this relationship
people's pets. Either you are getting mauled byis to you. They have clearly stated what their
someone's huge, slobbering dog at a backyardboundaries are so now you have to decide if their
barbeque or they have decided that it iscontinued acquaintance is worth putting up with
appropriate to bring Mr. Tinky Woo to your housetheir pet.
since he's just an itty-bitty thing. The question is:As a child, I was chased down by a large German
how do you avoid such situations in the future?shepherd and bitten, and I still find large dogs
Put simply, it's a matter of defining and enforcingsomewhat intimidating. If we get invited to
your boundaries.someone's house and I know that they have big
When It's Your Placedogs, I check to see if they are willing to control
The first thing you have to decide is what yourthem. If they are not, I decline the invitation and
boundaries are in regards to pets in your home.suggest something else. If they say they will but
Do you want to forbid all pets belonging to otherdon't actually do this when I'm there, I leave.
people from your home? Do you have pets ofThese are my boundaries-what are yours?
your own to consider in making this decision? IsWhat if Your Pet is the Problem?
your choice impacted by the type, size andHaving said a lot about defining your boundaries
disposition of the pet or by the type of eventabout other people's pets, it's probably a good
you are hosting? Clearly define what the rules areidea to look at your own pets, if you have them.
for your home.Do you inadvertently subject your friends to your
Next, you need to inform other people of thepets? Perhaps you recognized that the big,
house rules regarding pets. You don't have toslobbering dog attacking your guests at the
send out a press release or anything. You mightbarbeque was your overly friendly golden
choose to call a few of your friends with pets orretriever. Keep in mind that the first rule of
perhaps include the information in your next e-mailhosting is to ensure your guest's comfort. You
invitation to a party at your place. The idea heremay view your dog with a benevolent eye but
is that it is difficult to enforce rules if nobody ishow are your guests perceiving his attentions? To
aware of them.what extent are you willing to control your pet or
Finally, when somebody shows up at your housecurtail your pet's behavior?
and says something like, "I know you said not toLikewise, you might view your new pocket pet as
bring pets, but I'm sure you didn't mean my littlethe ideal shopping and traveling companion and
Mr. Tinky Woo", then you need to stand up forenjoy taking her everywhere with you, but do
yourself and enforce the boundary you set.you find that your friends are starting to avoid
Practice what you will say ahead of time. Soyou? Again, you have to define what your
many times, clients will say to me, "But I was soboundaries are here.
clear! I couldn't believe somebody would actuallyAs someone who actively despised cats for
test my boundary and I didn't know what to saymany years and is now the proud co-owner of
or do, so the situation just happened all overone, I can understand that not everyone wants
again!" Don't put yourself in this situation. Ensureto pet my friendly kitty and go home covered in
your confident handling of the situation bycat hair. While some people love her, some may
determining what you will say and do when facedeven be allergic to her or to my apartment
with a boundary violator. Perhaps in the situationbecause of her presence. I make a point of
described here you might say, "Yes, I did. Wouldinforming potential visitors about her so they can
you like to run him home and come back or diddecide for themselves. Depending on my guests'
you just want to get together another time?"tolerance level, I may offer to confine her in a
When It's Their Placeseparate room for the time they are visiting or
Of course, you say, it's easier to set thesewe might choose to meet up somewhere else.
boundaries when it is your place, but how do youAgain, these are my boundaries-what are yours?
do this when it's not your home? If the problem isConclusion
a pet at your friend's place, there are two stepsIt is completely possible to enjoy your friends,
you can take. First, you can ask your friend toyour pets and their pets, provided you are clear
control or confine the pet in a way that doesn'tabout what your boundaries are and you enforce
overly stress the pet but will allow you to enjoythem consistently. Ambivalence about the topic
your visit without discomfort or fear. If yourand avoidance of the issue are the biggest
friend is unwilling to do this for you or should youreasons people continue to suffer these situations.
feel uncomfortable asking for this consideration orIf you want to enjoy future social occasions, then
choose not to, then your next step is to suggestquit tolerating this and make some changes.
meeting in a neutral place, like a restaurant.