| Whether or not you are a pet lover, you have | | | | |
| probably run across issues with dealing with | | | | If your friend is still unwilling to meet you |
| other people's pets. Either you are getting | | | | halfway, it's time to consider how important |
| mauled by someone's huge, slobbering dog at a | | | | this relationship is to you. They have |
| backyard barbeque or they have decided that | | | | clearly stated what their boundaries are so |
| it is appropriate to bring Mr. Tinky Woo to | | | | now you have to decide if their continued |
| your house since he's just an itty-bitty | | | | acquaintance is worth putting up with their |
| thing. The question is: how do you avoid | | | | pet. |
| such situations in the future? Put simply, | | | | |
| it's a matter of defining and enforcing your | | | | As a child, I was chased down by a large |
| boundaries. | | | | German shepherd and bitten, and I still find |
| | | | large dogs somewhat intimidating. If we get |
| When It's Your Place | | | | invited to someone's house and I know that |
| | | | they have big dogs, I check to see if they |
| The first thing you have to decide is what | | | | are willing to control them. If they are |
| your boundaries are in regards to pets in | | | | not, I decline the invitation and suggest |
| your home. Do you want to forbid all pets | | | | something else. If they say they will but |
| belonging to other people from your home? Do | | | | don't actually do this when I'm there, I |
| you have pets of your own to consider in | | | | leave. These are my boundaries-what are |
| making this decision? Is your choice | | | | yours? |
| impacted by the type, size and disposition of | | | | |
| the pet or by the type of event you are | | | | What if Your Pet is the Problem? |
| hosting? Clearly define what the rules are | | | | |
| for your home. | | | | Having said a lot about defining your |
| | | | boundaries about other people's pets, it's |
| Next, you need to inform other people of the | | | | probably a good idea to look at your own |
| house rules regarding pets. You don't have | | | | pets, if you have them. Do you inadvertently |
| to send out a press release or anything. You | | | | subject your friends to your pets? Perhaps |
| might choose to call a few of your friends | | | | you recognized that the big, slobbering dog |
| with pets or perhaps include the information | | | | attacking your guests at the barbeque was |
| in your next e-mail invitation to a party at | | | | your overly friendly golden retriever. Keep |
| your place. The idea here is that it is | | | | in mind that the first rule of hosting is to |
| difficult to enforce rules if nobody is aware | | | | ensure your guest's comfort. You may view |
| of them. | | | | your dog with a benevolent eye but how are |
| | | | your guests perceiving his attentions? To |
| Finally, when somebody shows up at your house | | | | what extent are you willing to control your |
| and says something like, "I know you said not | | | | pet or curtail your pet's behavior? |
| to bring pets, but I'm sure you didn't mean | | | | |
| my little Mr. Tinky Woo", then you need to | | | | Likewise, you might view your new pocket pet |
| stand up for yourself and enforce the | | | | as the ideal shopping and traveling companion |
| boundary you set. Practice what you will say | | | | and enjoy taking her everywhere with you, but |
| ahead of time. So many times, clients will | | | | do you find that your friends are starting to |
| say to me, "But I was so clear! I couldn't | | | | avoid you? Again, you have to define what |
| believe somebody would actually test my | | | | your boundaries are here. |
| boundary and I didn't know what to say or do, | | | | |
| so the situation just happened all over | | | | As someone who actively despised cats for |
| again!" Don't put yourself in this | | | | many years and is now the proud co-owner of |
| situation. Ensure your confident handling of | | | | one, I can understand that not everyone wants |
| the situation by determining what you will | | | | to pet my friendly kitty and go home covered |
| say and do when faced with a boundary | | | | in cat hair. While some people love her, |
| violator. Perhaps in the situation described | | | | some may even be allergic to her or to my |
| here you might say, "Yes, I did. Would you | | | | apartment because of her presence. I make a |
| like to run him home and come back or did you | | | | point of informing potential visitors about |
| just want to get together another time?" | | | | her so they can decide for themselves. |
| | | | Depending on my guests' tolerance level, I |
| When It's Their Place | | | | may offer to confine her in a separate room |
| | | | for the time they are visiting or we might |
| Of course, you say, it's easier to set these | | | | choose to meet up somewhere else. Again, |
| boundaries when it is your place, but how do | | | | these are my boundaries-what are yours? |
| you do this when it's not your home? If the | | | | |
| problem is a pet at your friend's place, | | | | Conclusion |
| there are two steps you can take. First, you | | | | |
| can ask your friend to control or confine the | | | | It is completely possible to enjoy your |
| pet in a way that doesn't overly stress the | | | | friends, your pets and their pets, provided |
| pet but will allow you to enjoy your visit | | | | you are clear about what your boundaries are |
| without discomfort or fear. If your friend | | | | and you enforce them consistently. |
| is unwilling to do this for you or should you | | | | Ambivalence about the topic and avoidance of |
| feel uncomfortable asking for this | | | | the issue are the biggest reasons people |
| consideration or choose not to, then your | | | | continue to suffer these situations. If you |
| next step is to suggest meeting in a neutral | | | | want to enjoy future social occasions, then |
| place, like a restaurant. | | | | quit tolerating this and make some changes. |